Thursday, 29 September 2011

All I need is 32 Rs

There's not a single day that goes by when I don't think about India. How big and great my country is. How peaceful we are... how friendly we are with our neighbours... with some exceptions like Pakistan, China, Burma, Bangladesh, Nepal and obviously Sri Lanka... [whole of the Tamilnadu supported Sri Lanka's own organization "LTTE" aur  badle me hume kya mila??? Sanath Jaisurya !!!! ]
In other words the bottom line is that India is prosperous and happy... even bhagwan bhi bawle rahte hain yahan janm lene ke liye... yaad nahin kya ki B. R. Chopra ki mahabharat me Nitish Bharadwaj aka Krishn ne arjun se kya kaha tha?? "jab jab mera man karta hai main Bharat me janm le leta hun"( dharm ka naash to by default  yahan hota hi rehta hai) ye alag baat hai ki Digvijay singh ka manna hai ki Krishn ne kaha tha ki wo Rahul Gandhi Ban ke janm lete hain.....krishn ne aisa kaha tha ye sun kar Modi  aaj kal Lal Krishn Adwani se baat Nahin kar rahe.

Now back to the topic... This happiness is not an output of cosmic serendipity or supernatural conspiracies. It is very well planned by our own "THE PLANNING COMMISSION". This organization is working so effectively that we never felt the need of any sort of “Implementation Commission.”
By the way I was talking about prosperity. A new Index of our prosperity has been announced by Planning Commission. This will be known as "बत्तीसी सूचकांक". It is based on a simple theorem... If you are happy, you will show your बत्तीसी  .Corollary of this theorem is that "If you can show/spend your बत्तीसी  then you are Happy" So based on this extensive research "THE PLANNING COMMISSION"  proudly set a benchmark of Living and told the Supreme court that those spending in excess of Rs 32 per day in urban areas or Rs 26 per day in villages will no longer be eligible to draw benefits of central and state government welfare schemes ( as if there is any scheme existing)  meant for those living below the poverty line.
I am in awe of this superb plan. Everybody is now above poverty line. Ram Raj aa jayega...Socho kitna simple hai na...32 rs me lunch dinner breakfast sab kuch. You must also admire the hidden benefits of the Idea. Now a person who is Below Poverty Line (BPL) will not smoke beedi or chew khaini because, if he does so, he will automatically come above PL and cannot draw the benefits of Social Welfare Scheme. Income tax officer can issue Show Cause notice to any slum dweller in case of Disproportionate assets...for example...."beta hamam sabun laga ke nahaya hai aaj.....kahan se kamaya"

This "बत्तीसी सूचकांक" has changed everything around me... The rickshaw puller who is sleeping on footpath is no more poor now. The chotu who is working in a chai shop, who cannot go to school, is above PL. But I felt happiest for a beggar who has no blanket and who is shivering in night and has no medicines for his lingering illness...ek baar usne bola tha “ babu ji!! Ka kamayi hogi...pachhattar tho log aawen hain..athanni daal ke chale jawen hai.....itne me ka khai?..ka bachayi? aur ka khujlayi.?..tuhi batawa”...
Because of these “pachhattar Athannis” He is now at par with Vijay Malya at least in the eyes of Planning Commission... I wanted to tell him that though he is deemed untouchable, though he cannot afford a duplicate Batta Brand Hawai Chappal, though he is homeless,  still... he is not a poor anymore. I ran towards the pavement where he used to sleep at night to congratulate him and to ask for a treat. When I reached the pavement he was already surrounded by a mob..."Damn!! These Treat pahle hi pahunch gaye". Somehow I was able to manoeuvre my body (swollen by sambar & rice) into the crowd. I was my horror, the man of the moment was lying dead in front of me... his body was lying unattended.......nobody was touching it, a rotten smell of his decaying body was attracting the stray dogs....a police guards was standing  nearby a Paan Shop in typical "Ajanta Ellora Pose" ..doing if he was waiting for any minister to come and Inaugurate the proceedings. ..I cried "what about cremation!!!...he lived in poverty, but when he died he was not a poor man...if you don't trust  me, you can ask Manmohan singh or Montek Singh" I shouted at the constable, who in answer smiled, while a certain sarcasm was glittering in his eyes mocking at me... He said to me..."Babu ji ye asli life hai...yahan santa banta ke nahin...montek-manmohan ke joke chalte hain...32 rupaiyya me roti aa sakti hai lekin kafan nahin aata...aur Roti bhi bas itni ki zindagi 4 din aur gisat ke maut se lad le"

"बत्तीसी सूचकांक"... What the Hell!!!
On one hand Megan Fox is saying that she will have children only after earning enough money and on the other hand our bureaucrats are giving no heed even to the most basic social need of mankind.
A person spending Rs 32 will not be entitled for any benefit from social welfare scheme... bhai jiske pas kapda bhi na ho wo to pakke se gareeb hi hoga na!! Rumal bhi khareed liya to fir you are no more poor, sarkar ki jimmedari nahin ho tum... akhirkar Government kya chahti hai....log kele ka patta pehne??? and I seriously doubt ki uske liye bhi kuch dino me Environmental clearance lena padega.

I wanted to return back from the fact I wanted to run away...But I was so tired...tired of every thing...I called a rickshaw and after telling him the way for my destination, I asked about the fare, he looked at me and after a brief pause he said..."aapke liye 32 rupaiyya..."
I walked back.


  1. Was expecting something similar but better :)
    well, really like the sarcasm, [modi-advani, begger-Malya comparison, बत्तीसी सूचकांक (theory n all)]
    :like for that part :D;)

  2. isn't it an irony that the same Govt of India who travels in Ford Fiestas and Honda Cities, decide that a person spending above Rs.32 is above the poverty line...!!!

  3. Really liked the final pun where rickshaw puller asks exactly for 32 Rs!! Keep writing!

  4. This 32Rs figure proposed by the Planning Commission is really fallacious.. It is even more laughable to know what the commission said in its affidavit "Anyone earning above those levels can afford to pay for 'food, education and health'!" All this in 32 Rupees in present inflated world!! Hats off to their visionary thinking!

    I liked the post and the satirical undertone throughout. The content was good but needed to be edited better.

    And yes, I expect much more from you.. :)
    Keep writing!!

  5. @abhishek and mohita: thnx hai ji...frst blog hai tym to do :P
    @ankita: xactly that is wat i want to say
    @kushal:Thnx yaar

  6. mathematicians are adept at playing with numbers.
    for all those who think 32 is too low a number.

  7. @mohit: a very well written article. In fact an article based on facts.
    The author of given article has used the facts very brilliantly. Like he stated the rates of essential goods as per PDS system. On the other hand he kept his mum on the efficiency and capabilities of PDS system.
    Even Hon'ble Supreme Court has thrashed the government many times for in effective PDS. "Why in a food surplus nation where
    buffer stock are three time what is required for food security, thousands
    still die of malnutrition and hunger?"
    Probably because the intellectuals india are busy in justifying any thing and every by means of facts...
    Hindi me ek kahavat hai

    "Jake pair na fate biwayi...wo ka jane peer parayi"

  8. well said siddharth... but its also fact that santa and banta,s joke will rarely turn in truth its just joke for us after hearing there jokes we brust into laughter in other hand manmohan and montak,s jokes make us crazy, annoyed and helpless because if we will not take any action against these type of people your battisi suchakank ki appar success ke baad these guys can launch betal pachisi and then 25 rupees will be sufficent......!

  9. exactly ankita didi/bhateeji ...rural areas me to 26 rs rakh hi diya hai :D

    waise aaj news me padha ki tamilnadu ki jail me prisoners ke liye daily khane ka allowance minmum 40 rs hai ... :D
    quaidi hi ban jate hain

  10. The content is very good and the satirical tone of expression is very vividly churning out the feebleness in the thought process of the Government..
    Keep writing.. all the best!!